“The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence; it is greener where it is watered.” -Unknown
“I love dating,” said three people ever in the history of things. The vast majority of humans (and many animals) engage in some “dating” or courtship ritual.
From what I am being told, the sad truth is that in most conventional situations it looks like this: the man receives so many mixed messages about gender relations that he is in a state of paralysis when he approaches the door. "If I open the door for her, am I suddenly a sexist? If I don't open the door, am I no longer a gentleman who treats a woman with respect?" he wonders - and the door is opened for her by someone else while he mutters inside his head to himself. A woman knows she can open her door - sometimes she enjoys having it done for precisely that reason - but wonders if chivalry is dead and if there are any gentlemen with manners left in the world. Both enter the doorway a little disappointed.
All a clusterf *ck of unstated expectations and assumptions.
As for women? From what I hear, some of them go on dates having run through every contingency of how they could be harmed or things have gone wrong, which produces a high state of vigilance - anxiety - that by its very blocks intimacy.
So both of them are losing, and neither has any clue about the other's true inner experience or what they wanted in those moments - or out of date for that matter.
But let’s say you somehow get through all that (and the 100 other things that we throw in the space that get int the way of connection and intimacy. And then, guess what happens? You realized (finally) that they passed enough of your tests for you to allow them in and be truly connected in the sweet, soft, gushy spaces you rarely share with others and never talk about at parties. But unfortunately you spent so much time building barriers around your heart, they don’t hear the invitation, and you feel misunderstood. OR you … let’s say ... have them listen to my whole, 22-minute gritty, on my website to make sure they can handle me. Did I say me? I ... uh ... mean ... you.
And then … you hit the backroads of depth relating where you have to fix things, perhaps tend to children or shop for groceries or clean toilets when you only used to meet for fun, juiciness, and entertainment.
And that’s why very few people can say they felt as much aliveness, appreciation & gratitude for the very existence of their partner than they did in the early stages of their relationship and now they talk more about logistics than they show affection, truth, and lack of fear in the face of sharing yourself as the first week you met when anything was possible - and before all the unsaid started getting in the way, resentments began to build, and doubt began to creep in. About … well, everything. And the magic feels lost.
So you got through all that, and … your left wondering ... why do I even try?